Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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