i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize