Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
