saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
