Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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