He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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