u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
