I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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