I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize