He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
