Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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