Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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