I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
