No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
