they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
