dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
