I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
