Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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