Dual....:-)
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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