I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
