Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
