I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
