check it out our google latitudes are spooning
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize