K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
