Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
