If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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