i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
