i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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