Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
