Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
