i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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