I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
