I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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