dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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