i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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