wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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