You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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