I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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