There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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