if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize