Can Purell be used as lube?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
