wrigley field is MILF paradise
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
