I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize