How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
