Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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