Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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