I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
