please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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