it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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