can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
