I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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