I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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