i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
