Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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