nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
