i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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