My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can Purell be used as lube?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
