Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
did i just pee glitter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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