I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
