I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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