just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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