I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
