Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
