When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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