3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
