I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
