I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
