This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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