I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
