I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
