this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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