So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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