Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
