I'm jealous of your bromance
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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