party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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