i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
