So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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