She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
