"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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