how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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