she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
