I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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