i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
