I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
