So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
