his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize