I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
