Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
