Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I want to have your abortion
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
