also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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