Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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