are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
