I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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