I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We don't watch enough power rangers
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
