How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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