How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
