dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
