I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
