I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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