Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
