she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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