Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
