are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
