Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
