All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
