LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
