She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize