youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
