he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
