capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
