Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
