The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
