took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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