Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
