ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
