We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
