We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I want to fling myself into the sun
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
