god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize