Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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