I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
