Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
