Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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